Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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