Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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