blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
