You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Green mimosas i think yes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
