my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
