i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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