my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
