I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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