Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
