Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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