What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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