i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
