My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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