pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
