____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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