If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
