I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
