im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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