so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
