Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
