ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
