so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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