I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
