this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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