She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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