she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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