we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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