That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
