Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
