I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You pole danced in your parka.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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