U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
BRING THE BAGELS
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
