people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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