I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
