"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
