Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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