This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
