I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
