if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
