trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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