i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
