they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
