I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
