You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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