i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Randomize
