You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
