is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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