Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
