I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Let's get the cat blown out
She has the best kind of daddy issues
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
