she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
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YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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