i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize