Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We need to get me chipped asap
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
