i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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