wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize