I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
