I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dick very happy bro
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
