I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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