Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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