If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
