I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
