Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
