I puked a lego.
Michael Bay diarrhea
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
