The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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