I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize