and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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