Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
