so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i think i just lost a toe
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
