Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
