I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
