I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
