I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
