that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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