The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
