Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Life without a bra equals bliss.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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