i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
