Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
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I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.