I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me