i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.