so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.